New Beginning

I’m in the midst of typing up my handwritten novel, which is incredibly time-consuming and bothering my temperamental wrists. I wrote a new beginning for this novel the page after I wrote ‘The End’ as the old one was bothering me. I had received a couple comments that indicated the start was too busy, with the fighting and conversing at the same time. As such, I decided to start my story earlier and may even forgo that particular fight altogether. Maybe make it more like a cat-and-mouse chase than an outright fight. I don’t think my protagonist would be prepared for a fight at that stage. Anyway, without further ado, here is my (rough) new beginning:

The platform smelled of exhaust and urine. A young, lanky man shiftily gave an older man with greying hair a wad of cash in exchange for a packet of pills. They walked off in opposite directions. The younger man joined a gang hanging around on one end of the platform, ignoring the yellow safety line.

Darian sat huddled on a bench and waited for the train to come. His breath misted in the air and the chill bit at his fingers. He hadn’t thought to ask his Instructor for gloves. Darian held out one hand and focused on it. Wispy threads of tree fibre wrapped around it, not enough to keep his hands warm. He sighed and gave up. Darian brushed some of his overlong, black hair out of his face. His fingers began to tingle, and it wasn’t pins and needles. He glanced at the gang. They were eying him. He refused to make eye contact.

***

That’s all I’ve got at the moment. I’m not sure if it’s any good yet. I’ll have to see how well it integrates with the story, which will have some major alterations anyway. Adieu!

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2 thoughts on “New Beginning

  1. Wow! You write with pens? How original.

    *grin*

    I don’t think I could stand the wrist strain. Plus, I can type a lot faster than my wrist can move, making it easier to get my thoughts down on the computer without pausing every so often to change pens.

    Anyway, about your excerpt.

    I love how you start with mystery. I can see that the station isn’t very upper class and reliable, considering the urine smell and the lounging delinquents. What’s more is that you add a layer of intrigue by having the boy buy what seems to be drugs of some kind off of a dodgy man. Tension is mounting as he walks back to his group and constantly eyes your MC.

    Sorry about the long post! i guess I just get caught up in the moment.

    Like

    • Don’t worry about long comments. I’m guilty of it all the time. Thanks for the feedback. I tend to find that typing puts more strain on my wrists than handwriting does. When I was typing up my handwritten stuff and my wrists got sore, I actually went back to handwriting my second draft. Being a lefty, I find my right wrist is often sorer than my left, which is a bit odd. Probably from using a computer mouse all day 😀

      Like

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